Did you ever see the movie Zoolander, where Ben Stiller’s character thinks he’s “really, really, really, really good looking?” And he isn’t? Well, I personally think Ben Stiller is very attractive. But that’s beside the point. As we know, everybody’s definition of attractive is different.
Like when Sir Husband’s divorce lawyer saw his ex for the first time and gasped in shock and horror. “Um, that’s not a good fit, not a good fit at all,” she whispered in his ear in court, referring to his divorcee being nearly twice his size, and her looking less than feminine.
People said similar in my situation, Mr. Ex had a foot over me in height and more in circumference. And well, we looked like an odd pair to say the least.
But what never ceases to amaze me, is the difference between people who think they are really, really, really good looking – and aren’t – and those who truly are. What’s that all about?
A long time ago my mother told me that although she was getting older and looked older, she did not feel like she was getting older on the inside. She said she felt the same, just like herself, like she always did, for as long as she could remember.
I found that interesting, because she did not look on the outside like she said she felt on the inside. But it’s true. As I get older (and older,) I still feel like “me” on the inside. Although maybe a little wiser, maybe a little seasoned (or weathered,) and maybe a little more impartial. But I still feel like I felt when I was in my youth. Like myself.
Does that mean I am boasting attractiveness to the naked eye? For that matter, would I want anyone other than Sir Husband to see me naked? No. And even that takes some courage. Do I think about how I look if I have to undress at the doctor’s office? Yes. I also barely will look at myself if I get a chance when passing a mirror.
This could sound like I have some serious issues with my self-confidence. I don’t, or maybe I do, mostly around my physicality. I never learned to fully appreciate or like my body I guess, which is not uncommon for many grown women. But I don’t think I’m ugly, and that’s a good start.
So what is the deal with people who truly feel attractive when they aren’t? We are as attractive as we feel, they say. But I tend to disagree. I have met some people who truly are not attractive, in looks or in character. Maybe that’s where the fine line is. Our character. If it’s beautiful, then that adds to our outward beauty. If it’s kind, loving, and most importantly – genuine – that helps create an overall package of goodness.
We are always biased by our own limitations of perspective and perception. There are great spiritual masters who can see beauty in everyone without a filtered lens, but most people see what they see on the outside, and are influenced by the outward image before the inner aspects even begin to come to the surface. We’re human, that’s what we do.
But who’s to say that we shouldn’t look in the mirror and think we are really, really, really good looking, even if we aren’t. I have to think our own self-image mirrored both inward and outward is what motivates us, helps keep us going in the directions we go, and even helps define us. But we also need to look at our character. Is that good looking to others?
I’m not sure the question of what constitutes true attractiveness can be answered, or should. But there is one quote that has always stuck with me from the moment I heard it. The intention applies to so many things, including in this case of what we see in others, and how we see ourselves.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Think about that for a bit.
Thank you for these words Wayne Dyer. And rest in peace. You were really, really, really good.