It’s those few and far between surprise moments that give us the energetic spark we need, when we wonder if life will ever respond to our efforts. When we get the nod, wow does it feel good.
I had just crawled into bed the other night and decided to check email on my phone. I never do that, but did for some reason that night, and saw a message from a national blog editor.
“Thanks for publishing such a fantastic post…I’ll be adding it as a feature…and promoting it…”
What?! Wait, did she just say I’m going on their homepage the next day? That is a coveted spot by bloggers of the world. I was shocked, not to mention beaming. Sir Husband lit up right next to me, the shine in our room was bright.
I had always wanted to write but was never sure in what context, or what to say. So I started a blog years ago as my former marriage was tanking and my life was a train wreck. It wasn’t my train wreck, but I was chained to the train. I put it out there like a public diary chronicling the abyss of being on the receiving end of abuse and addiction and autism, as a chronically-pained woman who desperately wanted peace. Of course it got me into trouble by people whose critical stance prevailed, but I kept at it. It was my blog, my journey, my life. Eventually it derailed, because I lost myself to their debilitating, soul-crushing pressure.
But something inside kept prompting me, and as quickly as it rose up, it was beaten down by those fearful external voices…up and down, up and down…until one day, I got the strength to write again. Only this time my resolve was strong, because I listened to myself in spite of everything – naysayers, income-potential, and the now zillions of bloggers out there. I didn’t know why I wanted and needed to write, I just knew I did.
It’s been a long time since I caught a glimpse of my true self. I knew I was in there which is why I pushed forward with my own agenda — to follow my heart’s passion, to work on what drives my happiness, to believe in my role and my purpose.
Actually it’s only recently that I truly learned to do that after having kind, loving, unconditional support. We need that one person, or if we’re lucky, that handful of true supporters who honor and value our path and our plight no matter what it looks like on the outside.
It can be about anything – whatever we know deep down we are here to do, need to do, and also want to do – whether it’s about our career or hobby, talent or penchant, or even who we love. Bottom line, it’s up to us to answer to ourselves, no matter what those around us say.
That lesson was always tough for me. But I got a big applause from life the other day for letting my soul lead. Do I know where it may be going? Nope. Do I know of tangible rewards? Nope. Do I trust that if I keep working on what is deep inside myself that it will all work out? Yep. Call me a dreamer, but why not. When dreams come to life it feels good.