Life sure has its mysteries. Like when Sir Husband was offered a job at Harvard University’s most revered Memorial Church and he is the most un-church-like person I know. Or when a person who can make or break my writing career told me that my name appeared at the top of her computer today when she was working on creating a potential writing team. Never mind that minutes later I actually appeared at her door just to say hello when I was passing by – and it took her by surprise – in a good way.
Do you believe in fate? she asked, because sometimes it’s plain as day.
My latest curiosity was why I was called back for three interviews to a job I never dreamed I could take. That is where I landed yesterday, and I caught myself off guard. I went in nonchalantly thinking that I wasn’t able or ready to take any job that would be what this one is. I guess I have more experience and background than I ever realized I had.
So today’s short message is about believing in ourselves regardless of what we think.
As I began the trek from my near-city home to the subway station and onto the train, where I rode peacefully several stops until I reached my destination, then walked the almost one mile to the building where the interview occurred, all I could think was, why am I doing this, I’m not really that great.
I haven’t been in the working world for a whole lot of years, although I’ve done a lot of work. My life’s path has been wrought with so much intensity as a stay at home mother advocating for a son on the autism spectrum whose life periodically hung in the balance, navigating complex systems with a fair amount of success, juggling and balancing my former husband’s addiction and all that entails, abuse and chronic illness, along with a whole lot more – like trying to raise three children and keep a family alive, I didn’t realize how much I learned over a couple of decades. I was so busy managing our lives that I never realized I had done so much.
We all do that comparison thing especially when we’re buried in what doesn’t seem like the norm. I always look at the world around me and wonder how everyone manages their life. I didn’t follow a traditional path so I thought I was doing it wrong. But I didn’t realize until now that not only was I doing “it” right, there really is no wrong.
Going to an interview today was really a piece of cake compared to my strained past. I didn’t sweat much of anything because I just am who I am. I didn’t make myself out to be someone I’m not, or study up on what to say, how to dress or proper protocol. Instead I was just me – because who else could I really be.
Regardless of whether I get the job the experience was so clear. No matter where we’ve been, or what we’ve done, we can never doubt who we are. We can’t define ourselves by our perceived contribution, or where we’re trying to go. We just need to honor the mysteries and fate will tell us so.