Unlike my children, or even my husband, I own two t-shirts. Two with words on them I mean. Yoga Now Wine Later and Act As If. T-shirts are no big deal to me, but their messages sure as heck are. They reveal a lot about us, what we believe, how we live, what makes us tick.
Most people wear their t-shirts, but I use mine as inspirational art – in my dresser drawer. Sure that may be strange, but their words matter to me. Yoga Now Wine Later describes my daily routine. It’s tangible – I yoga in the morning, I drink wine in the evening. Act as if is different. It’s conceptual, more like a way of life.
Perfectly folded so I can see the words when I open in my drawer, normally I don’t pay much attention to my clothes until I’m about to put them on. Kind of like our surroundings, we get used to our environment and don’t consciously notice it – especially what’s in our drawers.
But the pumpkin-orange Act As If caught my eye this morning. And I’m glad it did, because I have been fairly jittery these last few weeks…ok these last few years. I don’t mean to be anxious, in fact by now I should be pretty zen.
Not just because life is finally good, but because I have spent years working hard in what I call “wisdom school,” learning how to navigate my life. I’ve worked with counselors, clinicians, gurus and healers trying to feel better on every level physically and emotionally, heal from trauma, neutralize drama, decrease stress, assimilate existence and live peacefully, from a deeper soul level.
But my body and mind remember everything I’ve gone through, even if I don’t. Some of my history is blocked out, some is whole-heartedly embraced. I’ve evolved quite a bit – and p.s. there’s no set scale for how we stack up in our quest. My mind still moves a mile a minute, and my body has a mind of its own. I go from joyful calm to physical symptoms that freak me out.
What brings on the nervous-system buzz? Aside from frequent changes that came with their own levels of intensity, after all these years I hoped wisdom-school work would totally integrate into my life. It has to a point, oftentimes I feel it and am thankful my schooling has paid off. But when my body starts acting up, it sets me down a path. I’m sure it’s just PTSD and “let-down” now that we’re finally settling in.
I was tempted to reach for a valium when I saw my little orange shirt. When we can’t figure out what to do, we have to just act as if, believe it, and get out of our own way.
After all, life is a bowl of cherries, stress is just a myth. (Play along!)
A wise woman once said, “Ride the waves of life, knowing that no matter what comes your way, you’ll be ok. Then deep joy just keeps showing up for Happily Ever After.”
Where do I get that shirt.
*images courtesy of teespring.com